


(Mama) Never Told Me There'd Be Days Like This

by Adariall



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drug Use, Durincest, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 20:18:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adariall/pseuds/Adariall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one ever warned Fili that after he moved out on his own he’d be dealing with anything like the shit that life seemed to be throwing his way lately. A modern!AU fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Mama) Never Told Me There'd Be Days Like This

Fili knew something was wrong the moment he walked into the living room.

For one thing at that particular point in the day most of the guys should have been at work, and instead they were sitting around on the floor, decimated bags of chips and cookies scattered around them. Than there was the rather noticeable fact that Thorin- uptight, proper, _majestic _Thorin, was stretched out like a very large house cat on the couch in nothing but a bathrobe, looking very please with himself as he licked at Kili who just so happened to be pinned beneath him. He noted that his brother looked incredibly torn, changing between seeming like he wanted the couch to swallow him whole and then appearing to very much wanted to remain where he was seconds later.__

__“What the hell happened here?” He grabbed Bofur by the arm as he came out of the kitchen and dragged him out into the hallway._ _

__Bofur tweaked one of his braids and grinned widely. “It seems that Thorin decided this morning that he wanted to treat himself to a guilty pleasure of the edible variety, not knowing that they had been, shall we say, modified.”_ _

__Realization slowly dawned over Fili and he resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. “The brownies?”_ _

__“Aye. And once he had one, well, the rest were soon to follow.”_ _

__“But what of everyone else?”_ _

__The giggle that came out of Bofur’s mouth was far more disturbing than Fili’d care to admit but he couldn't react as moments later Bofur reached out and grabbed his shoulders. “Well, laddy. It seems as if Mister Gandalf left a fair amount of his wonderful supply behind and we dipped into it a little.” He paused for a moment and his grin widened. “So as Thorin would not be alone in his, shall we say _delicate_ , state.”_ _

__“And my brother?”_ _

__“Oh, well that’s an interesting thing to mention. When Thorin first began to feel the effects of said edibles he decided that Kili was fascinating and it very rapidly devolved from touching into what you see now.”_ _

__Fili scrubbed his hands over his face. “How long?”_ _

__“Oh I don’t know…” Bofur’s voice trailed off, distracted by the feel of Fili’s flannel shirt beneath his fingers._ _

__Snapping his fingers, Fili rolled his eyes. “Focus, Bofur.”_ _

__“Right. Focusing.” He cocked his head to the side. “I’d say no more than an hour.”_ _

__“An _hour_?” Fili asked incredulously._ _

__“Possibly two.”_ _

__“Possibly two.” Stepping back away from Bofur, Fili resisted the urge to cry. No one had ever warned him that dealing with this shit was even a remote possibility. “Right. This day just keeps getting better and better.”_ _

__“Relax, mate. It isn’t as if it’s the end of the world. They’ll be like that for a while, Thorin will come to, and it will all get sorted out. And maybe for once they’ll stop mooning around each other like lovesick school girls and actually do something about it.”_ _

__Fili froze. “What?”_ _

__“Oh come on now, you cannot tell me that you haven’t seen the dance that those two have been doing around each other since Thorin came back.”_ _

__“Just because I have doesn’t mean that I exactly want to admit it.” He knew there were worse things out there, but admitting that his brother and their uncle wanted to fuck each other’s brains out wasn’t exactly at the top of his list as being the _best thing ever_._ _

__Bofur wrapped an arm around Fili’s shoulder and began to guide him into the living room. “You know what you need? To partake along with us. That will settle your nerves.”_ _

__“Yeah, maybe.” Fili nodded in agreement as they passed the couch. He could hear Thorin mumbling something as they passed and as he took a seat on the floor next to Bofur his brain finally made sense of exactly what his uncle had been muttering between licks to his brother’s neck._ _

___“You taste like purple.”_ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> A HUGE thanks to curbitkirby for being amazing and beta-ing this for me. Written for the lovely mouse on tumblr who prompted me to write modern!au Hobbit fic.


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